is just exactly the point people do notunderstand.

5

But before things came to that pass, some months and many phases and

a sudden journey to America intervened.

"This thing spells disaster," I said. "You are too big andIam too

big to attempt this secrecy.Think of the intolerable possibility

ofbeing found out! At any cost we have to stop-even at the cost

of parting."

"Just because we may be found out!"

"Just because we may be found out."

"Master, I shouldn't in the leastmindbeing found out with you.

I'm afraid-I'd be proud."

"Wait till it happens."

There followed a struggle of immense insincerity between us. It is

hard to tell who urged and who resisted.

She came to me one night to the editorial room of the BLUE WEEKLY,

and argued and kissed me with wet salt lips, and wept in my arms;

she told me that now passionate longing for me and my intimate life

possessed her, so that she could not work, could notthink, could

not endure other people for the love of me…

I fled absurdly. That is the secret of the futile journey to

America that puzzled all my friends.

I ran away from Isabel. I took hold of the situation with all my

strength, put in Britten with sketchy, hasty instructions to edit

the paper, and started headlong and with luggage, from which, among

other things, my shaving things were omitted, upon a tour round the

world.

Preposterous flight that was! Iremember as a thing almost farcical

my explanations to Margaret, and how frantically anxious I was to

prevent the remote possibility of her coming with me, and how I

crossed in the TUSCAN, a bad, wet boat, and mixed seasickness with

ungovernablesorrow. I wept-tears. It was inexpressibly queer and

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